I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did you just see the Batmobile???
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
