Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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