I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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