Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
