All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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