For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
