Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
