does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
