Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Holy sore nipples Batman
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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