Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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