Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
