My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
