he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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