her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
