boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
