I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
