dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
