i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
