dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
