Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
