Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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