At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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