So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
