Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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