She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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