the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
