If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
