We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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