Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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