Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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