I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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