I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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