Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
