Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
