I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
