I'm so fucking centered right now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
