then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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