I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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