I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
