If i come over, it means nothing
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
