i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Your shirt... Was in my pants
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
