Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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