Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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