He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
