I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
