I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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