Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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