I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
