Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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