from now on my penis is your penis
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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