Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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