Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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