You can't motorboat a personality
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
