to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
