...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
