3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
