just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
