he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
