Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
