thus making me awesome and them whores
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
