Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Randomize
