Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize