I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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