I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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