I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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