I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
