At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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