he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
