He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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