The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
