So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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