also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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