You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
