He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize