yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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