Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
