Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
