CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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