PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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