call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
