I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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