If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
