I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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