I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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