Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
