just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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