I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex on a dog bed..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
