And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
