There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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