I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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