Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
