That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My life is pants optional.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
