im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
