I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
