Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
