i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
